Dear God

It’s been a really long time since I last wrote something. My habit, my interest, my beloved friends, I feel so sorry for losing bits by bits each of those things…

It’s only a few more days until I receive the email. I feel calmer than I thought….. but to be honest, I feel very scared. I’m scared, and I’m just scared. I know this is not the last chance, but I don’t want to lose more of what I have lost.

I’m so sorry to my family who has put lots of trust in me. I feel shameful of myself for what I have been trying to achieve, and now it turns out that I’m weaker than I thought. I feel ashamed that I may not be able to fulfill my wishes, that I was wrong.

I was wrong. And I feel embarrassed for keeping asking for a chance… I am wrong. Even myself don’t know why I have become this weak, I have been wondering and thinking about all those years I’ve been trying to persuade dad. And I’m so sorry to him.

Every time I’m calm, everything will turn out horrible…

But will you forgive me, and give me a chance please ? Or should I just let myself go…..

I’m so sorry…

I’m terribly sorry…

 

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